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We did some research on a hot and steamy topic: What are the worst pick-up lines by subspecialty? Here goes!

Allergy
“I like it when you can’t breathe.”

Anesthesiology
“I’d love to rescue your airway.”

Bariatric Surgery
“Come on, I know you want to show me what that panniculus is hiding.”

Cardiology
“You’re making me tachy. I need you to cath me all night long.”

Cardiothoracic Surgery
“Not only do I wanna rip open your shirt, I wanna rip up your sternum and get kinky with wires!”

Critical Care
“You get my heart racing like an epinephrine drip.”

Da Vinci Robots
“I’m not used in the OR, but you should see how I operate in the bedroom.”

Dermatology
“I just wanna examine your skin under the covers and rub sunscreen all over it.”

Emergency Medicine
“I can show you something else that begins with a D.”

Endocrinology
“Am I attracted to you or is it just my volatile blood sugars?”

Ethics
“You wanna go upstairs and do the right thing or the wrong thing?”

Family Medicine
“I’ll do it with anyone, doesn’t matter their gender, doesn’t matter their age.”

Gastroenterology
“Hey, would you like to examine my orifices from above and below?”

General Surgery
“When I’m done, assuming I don’t perforate anything, I’ll turf you to Medicine.”

Hematology/Oncology
“Why don’t we examine this peripheral smear Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore-style in Ghost?”

Hospital Administration
“I’d like you to take my survey.”

Hospital Medicine
“Speaking of placement, why don’t you let me place you into my bed?”

ICD-10 Coder
“You sure do know how to maximize my reimbursement.”

Infectious Diseases
“I just want to swab you up and down, left and right, until we’re both afebrile.”

Med Students
“Why don’t we do more than just flash cards at each other?”

Nephrology
“My love for you is so strong it can’t be dialyzed.”

Neurology
“The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.”

Neurosurgery
“Let me put it this way: finding the clitoris isn’t brain surgery.”

Nursing
“I’m going to treat you rougher than this Pyxis.”

Paramedic
“No; really; the Heimlich Maneuver is done facing each other!”

Nutrition
“See that bag of white stuff? That ain’t TPN.”

OB/GYN
“That’s not my water that just broke.”

Occupational Therapy
“If we get intimate, I can really show you some great hand exercises.”

Ophthalmology
“I want to gaze into your eyes and dilate them until it’s all a blur.”

Orthopedic Surgery
“I can’t do this alone. Let’s call Medicine and make it a three-way.”

Otolaryngology
“You’ll be screaming so loud I’ll have to resect your voice box.”

Palliative Care
“After a night of love making with me, there’s nothing left but hospice.”

Pathology
“Your frozen section gets me hot!”

Pediatrics
“I can kiss your boo-boo and make it feel real good.”

Pharmacy
“One dose of me will be in your bloodstream for a lifetime!”

Physical Therapy
“I’m flexible, plus you won’t believe the things I can do with a 3-in-1 commode.”

Plastic Surgery
“You wanna check what’s under my flap, don’t you?”

Primary Care Physicians
“I’d love to see you turn your head and cough.”

Psychiatry
“We can go back to my place and test out these new four-point restraints.”

Pulmonology
“Not only will you be breathing hard, I’ll protect that airway.”

Radiology
“I prefer doing it in the dark, but don’t worry: we can physically correlate.”

Respiratory Therapy
“You think an ABG hurts? After tonight, your wrist won’t be the only thing that’s hurting.”

Rheumatology
“You make my loins flare like a bad case of gout.”

Social Services
“One night with me, you’ll need some subacute rehab.”

Speech Therapy
“To think, you’re making me aspirate and stutter!”

Trauma
“Let’s cuddle on the couch, watch a scary trauma, then let me pack you full of pRBCs.”

Urology
“In bed, I’m more overactive than a bladder.”

Vascular Surgery
“Baby, why don’t you let me restore some vital blood flow to that area?”

Source

Any nurse who’s been on the job for more than a couple of months knows all about “the witching hour.” You either hear about it, or you get the slap-in-face personal experience. It’s that time on your shift when things are more likely to be, well, bad. It’s that time on your shift when things are going to go wrong, no matter what you do.

This is notoriously the last leg of your shift. You can slice or dice it any way you like, but roughly 60 minutes (or less) prior to the so-called end of your shift, the “Code Brown hits the fan” (if you know what I mean).

You do your best to get all your ducks in a row, but it never fails. The witching hour always seems to toy with you. Here are 10 things that are sure to happen during the witching hour:

1. Your patient just had the worst Code Brown of your career: Get out the mop.

2. Your “stable” patient becomes not-so stable.

3. You realize there were tasks and/or orders you missed from the beginning of your shift.

4. Somebody just entered in two pages of new orders on your patient.

5. A Code Blue is called on your patient or unit.

6. A new admission just showed up–without a report–and there is another one on the way.

7. The unit secretary’s shift just ended…and the phone is ringing off the hook.

8. There was a massive power outage – and now you’re bagging your mechanically ventilated patient.

9. The EMR just went down – and you have charting to finish.

10. Your patient’s one and only IV access just blew and you have to give blood products.

Source

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

3. Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by DR. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

As of 2014, the average Registered Nurse (RN) brought home just shy of $66,640 a year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. But earnings vary greatly by location, as employers must offer higher wages in certain areas of the country to attract qualified candidates. On average, the highest wages paid in registered nurse were in California, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Alaska and Oregon.

Salary (annual): $45,880 – $98,880
Min. Education: Bachelor’s degree
Job Outlook 2014-24: 16% (Much faster than average)
Related Careers:  Dental Hygienists,  EMTs and Paramedics, Physician Assistants & Diagnostic Medical Sonographers

Sources: U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Data extracted on February  10, 2016